Lack of promotion

Why oh why do some venue owners/managers think that just putting an A4 poster up in the bar a week before a cabaret booking ensures that the venue will be rammed with punters on the night?

When I was an Agent I used to advise venues to book the acts at least 3 months before the event and then spend the next 12 weeks promoting by word of mouth, plastering posters up on every square inch of spare wall space, distributing posters and tickets to the local factories, shops and any other place women gather. Then they should be flogging tickets over the bar every night. Finally, and this is the most important thing to remember, never, ever rely on people turning up on the night and paying at the door. They won't!! The ladies that make up the audience have to arrange baby sitters; bribe the husband to let them out; book a hair appointment; buy a new dress. All these things take time to organise.
The Ladies who come to Hen Nights are not 'ladies-who-lunch'; they are busy working mums with demanding schedules to arrange and dopey men to placate. Venue owners, give them the chance to organise an evening out with a load of their mates and a stage crammed with hunks dressed only in baby oil and they will flood your bar with drinks orders.

Cancelled bookings

Over the years I have been lucky enough to have had very few bookings cancelled. However, in the last year or so, it seems that cancellations are becoming more frequent. Speaking to other acts I am gratified to find that this is not just something that happens to me.
I can understand a venue cancelling/postponing because they haven't sold enough tickets to pay the act/s (lack of promotion is another gripe, but that's for another blog entry). But why do they have to lie about it and feed you some bullshit excuse. The latest I had was when a venue returned an unsigned contract with 'cancelled due to sickness' across it TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE EVENT!!! I know bird flu is moving inexorably across the world but how does the dozy bint know she is going to go down with it a fortnight in advance??? Another time a venue cancelled a hen night 3 days before the event with the excuse that the local council had threatened to revoke their licence if they had naked males on stage.

Anyone got any barmier excuses given them??

Hecklers

Normally hecklers are welcomed by me with open arms - they give me something to play against. But last night I came across a, thankfully, rare occurrance. A disruptive 'heckler'. This woman wasn't saying anything creative, nor funny. Needless to say she was very drunk. I used all my usual anti-heckler lines and nothing would shut her up. The management of the venue was out of the room at the time so wasn't available to eject her. In the end I walked off stage (something I have never done before) because the rest of the audiencee couldn't hear what I was saying. When I came back on a couple of minutes later the management was there and telling her to shut up or leave. She shut up but left soon after.
Although it all ended OK I was left with a feeling of professional inadequacy; I should have been able to control her. I keep thinking was there something else I could have done to shut her up? Afterwards several people came up to me and congratulated me on not belting her LOL
The management told me that they had had trouble wiith her previously, but that was no consolation to me on the night.

13 Feb 2006

This is my first entry and, to be honest, I am not entirely sure what will go here.