Monday, 1 September 2014

Me and my big mouth! - part 2

First off, let me reassure you that usually I only use the C-word as a last resort when dealing with hecklers. It is not a staple of my stand  up routines.
The other thing you need to understand about us performers is that sometimes, just occasionally, our mouths work so far ahead of our brains that stuff has tumbled out long before we have time to edit it. Mostly this works to our advantage. A pithy put-down is especially effective when shot out at lightening speed.
So, the story that I am not especially proud of except that it was hysterically funny, in retrospect.
I was recently working a cabaret booking with a regular stand-up comedian, someone I had never met before. As we had loads of time before the show we were sat outside the pub chatting, enjoying the last of the day's sunshine and a crafty shandy before I had to get ready.
As is often the case when someone realises that I am the drag act for the night, a middle aged woman came over to chat. One of the first things she asked was for me to pick on 'her friend'. I replied that that won't happen. The rule is that if YOU ask for a friend to be picked on then it will be YOU who gets singled out for abuse. She quickly changed the subject and the following conversation occurred:
Middle aged woman: "So where do you come from?"
Comedian: "He comes from his mother's womb"
My response, of which I am not proud, was automatic: "And until you came over I thought that was the only c*** I would ever see"

The comedian virtually wet himself, the woman laughed without knowing exactly why, otherwise she would have been mortally offended (I assume) and I stood there straight faced.

As I said, that is not a word I usually utter in my act and I am mortified that it slipped out. But sometimes you have little control over your mouth