I was recently working a hen night up north. Me and two male strippers has spent many hours driving to one of the more remote areas of the north west.
As is my wont, straight after my introductory mime numbers, I started working round the audience with a live microphone finding out about our punters. I had spotted this young girl seated in the front row paying more attention to her phone than to me so I stopped mid-gag and pointedly walked over to her. Often I will berate someone for using their phone to chat or text but this time I decided to use my current favourite put-down.
I looked her square in the eye and said 'You are looking lovely tonight. I can see you have made an effort. You have even had a shave but can you keep your legs together as it is distracting me' This was made even more cutting as the girl had thighs the size of tree trunks and was wearing a completely unsuitable micro mini skirt in ripped denim. She was patently unable to keep her knees within hailing distance of each other.
She welled up and I thought she was going to cry.
For the rest of the evening she looked daggers at me.
This might have been the end of things if, at the end of the show, her mother took me to one side and tried to explain her daughter's reaction.
'She has only just turned 18' she said
'And?' I said
'Up until recently she was a virgin'
'What does that have to do with anything?' I asked
Before she could explain her daughter returned and I never did find out how her age and late viginity explained her tears
Usually I don't consider it a good show unless I have at least upset one member of the audience.
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